Childhood cancer takes a heavy toll on every person it touches. Patients, parents, siblings, doctors, nurses and social workers all have unique and powerful perspectives to share. The Tom Coughlin Jay Fund is kicking off a year-long campaign of “Dear Cancer” letters to reach beyond the facts and figures and share the honest and emotional voices of those mostly deeply impacted when a child confronts this life-threatening disease.

We want people to speak from the heart and address “Cancer” directly in the form of a letter and the impact it has had on their life. These letters may be raw and difficult to read at times, but they will paint a heartfelt and accurate depiction of the pediatric cancer journey through different viewpoints. We begin this campaign by sharing Lauren’s #DearCancer letter below. Lauren’s son, Joey, was 7 years old when he was diagnosed with leukemia and began his painful and aggressive treatment.

We plan to share these “Dear Cancer” letters throughout the year on our website, social media platforms and email and we welcome your contributions to this campaign. If you would like to share your “Dear Cancer” letter, please forward your submissions (300-600 words in length) to Carolyn Tillo at [email protected]

Watch Lauren's video here:

Lauren’s Letter

Lauren’s Letter

(Pictured Joey, Lauren’s son, with Mark Herzlich, Jay Fund advisory board member and cancer survivor)

Dear Cancer,

It’s been almost 7 years since YOU invaded my family and waged a war on my little boy…. I can remember so distinctly when those words, “Your son has cancer,” were spoken.

YOU have changed the landscape of my life. Everything that was brightly colored, turned black.  YOU took away happiness, hope and shattered my faith. When I look back, I can almost see my former self, but I can’t recognize that person, untouched by YOU, untouched by cancer.  I  was innocent, and not nearly as vigilant or worried, and riddled with anxiety.

As time passed, I somehow gathered strength and helped my family wage a battle.  And we fought YOU with every ounce of our being, with all of the strength we could garner.  But this battle changes you, and everything is different now. With one single diagnosis YOU managed to kill my career and ruin us financially.

Slowly, we began winning small victories against YOU.  But YOU were ever present, YOU never seemed to leave.  YOU became a part of me, became a part of the fabric of our family, YOU have become a part of our story.  No one tells you just how horrific it really is.  The medications, the IV’s, the inpatient stays, the trips to the clinics, and you have no choice, but to just sit there and take it.  YOU had all the control.

And then finally three and a half years later, the end.  We finally get to ring the bell…We beat YOU! YOU are gone! But the reality, the truth, is even when it’s over, it’s not. YOU are always there, YOU are part of my child, a part of me, a part of us, and a part of our story. And It’s unfair!

I think of YOU more often than I care to admit, YOU still invade my thoughts daily. I think of the what if’s and what could be’s. I never disclose this to even my closest confidants, how often YOU cross my mind.  But even 7 years later, we can be having a wonderful time at a party, or I can be watching my son play in a football game and I can still glance over at my beautiful, handsome, strong, healthy child and see that little sick boy flash before my eyes, that is YOU cancer. YOU don’t ever really leave.  It’s like YOU reminding me that you are there lurking in the shadows.

The reality is that YOU will be with me forever.  And it is difficult to despise something that has become an integral part of who you are. So during the times that YOU so often invade my thoughts, I try to also remember some of the good that YOU brought me too. YOU brought me a love of my community, that stood behind me and carried me through with faith and hope, when mine could not be found.  YOU sent friends, some who I had never met before, willing to help and lend a hand, when we needed it the most. YOU showed me the true meaning of grace. And  YOU showed me that love and light do really exist in darkness.

Cancer, YOU will forever be a part of me and my story. YOU have made me fight a war that I didn’t sign up for and that in many ways I will continue to battle forever.  However, YOU have also shown me the best of the human spirit and make me want to give back.  YOU, CANCER have not broken me or my child!

-Lauren, Joey’s mom and caregiver